How To Improve Self Esteem

how to improve self esteem

Having a good opinion of yourself – in other words good self esteem – is one of the most important factors in being able to feel happy or content and able to enjoy the life you lead.

We all have bad days when we lack confidence and doubt our own abilities but when this becomes a regular or daily event then low self esteem has become a problem that needs to be addressed.

So if this is something you are struggling with then you probably want to know how to improve self esteem and climb out of the slump you find yourself in. Well, you’ve come to the right place because these are some of the ways I’ve found to help.

How To Improve Self Esteem

  • Tell yourself a different story. Every day we talk endlessly to ourselves and without realising it, you are probably telling yourself a lot of negative things. Start becoming more aware of when this is happening. When you find yourself thinking things like “I can’t do this” or “I don’t deserve this” you are subconsciously making that your reality. Remember these are only thoughts and you have total control over what you think. Start replacing negative thoughts with more positive ones.
  • Focus on your strengths and ignore your weaknesses. Everyone has things that they are good at and things which they are not so good at. The problem is – most of us spend far too much time dwelling on our faults and weaknesses and comparing ourselves to people who are good at the things we struggle with. For example my friend is a much better golfer than me and if I was to simply  dwell on my golfing ability in comparison to him then I would feel very bad about myself. Take some time to work out what your strengths are – what is it that you do well? Spending more time remembering the good things about you will give you a boost to your self esteem.
  • Change your inner circle. John Lee Dumas always ends his Entrepreneurs On Fire podcast by reminding listeners that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Think about who you spend your time with and if they are people who reinforce negative thoughts about you then you need to consider spending les time with them and finding people who are more supportive of you.
  • Do something you can be proud of. This is a great way to build your self esteem while at the same time doing something to help others. Find a way to volunteer – perhaps by helping your favourite charitable organisation in some way. The people you help out will be grateful for what you do and receiving their thanks will make you feel good about yourself. Remember – if you do good things to others, they tend to do good things to you in return.
  • Become more assertive. When you have low self esteem you often find yourself agreeing to do things you don’t want to do. Try to become more assertive. This is not the same as being aggressive or dominant. It simply means that you respect the thoughts and wishes of others and expect the same from them in return. Learn to say No. It’s easier if you also explain why you are saying No. Remember – if you act like a mat, don’t be surprised if people walk over you!
  • Make time for yourself. This can be hard if you work full-time or have kids or other responsibilities but it’s really important to find time for the things you love and want to do. Whether it’s something small like time spent reading or watching a favourite TV program or something bigger like a night out or a vacation, showing your subconscious that you value your own enjoyment will boost your self esteem.

When you know how to improve self esteem you will unlock the doors to personal happiness, self confidence and success. Many of these tips might seem very simplistic on the surface but simple solutions are often the most powerful ones.

I know from my own experience that when I learned how to improve self esteem I started to realise what potential I had and it opened my eyes to achieving more in life. Try it for yourself and be pleasantly surprised!

How To Build Self Confidence

We all admire people who have self confidence and probably wish we could be a bit more like them. After all confident people seem to be among the happiest people we know and they always seem to be able to achieve the goals they set themselves.

In general, confident people achieve more success and live life on their own terms.

What about You? Would you like some of that too?

In this article I want to share with you my 10 favourite tips to help you learn How to build self confidence for yourself.

How To Build Self Confidence

  1. Get Some Exercise. Before you sigh too deeply or roll your eyes, I’m not suggesting you start training for the marathon or become a bodybuilder. However, taking some moderate exercise will improve your fitness and general health as well as leaving you feeling better about yourself. Completing a workout gives you a sense of achievement which helps you to feel more positive about the next challenge.
  2. Tackle some negatives. Take some time to think about the things that irritate or annoy you in your life and write them all down. Once you’ve written them down, start thinking about what you can do to eliminate or lessen them. Then take action! Dealing with problems is a great boost to self confidence
  3. Give your ego a boost. Think about the things you are good at and write these down too. You might actually surprise yourself at how big your list might be. Rather than focus on things you struggle with, remind yourself regularly of the things you actually do well.
  4. Be yourself. We all out on different faces to some extent in different situations but make sure it doesn’t get to the extent where you aren’t being true to the real you. Take pride in being the individual that you are and let other see what a great person you are too.
  5. Stop feeling inferior. If you regularly find yourself thinking that “I can’t do it” or “I can’t have it” or “I don’t deserve it” then you need to change your mindset now. When one of these thoughts enters your head, dismiss it and tell yourself the opposite instead.
  6. Relish a challenge. When faced with a challenge, instead of just shying away from it or avoiding it, make yourself face up to it. Consider what you can do to overcome problems such as research, trying alternative methods, or asking for help.
  7. Challenge self-doubt. Sometime thoughts of self-doubt are good to prevent you from getting into trouble but usually they are just negative thoughts that will hold you back from achieving the things you want. Next time you doubt your abilities ask yourself if the doubt is valid. Be honest with yourself. If its not then its time to dismiss the emotion and believe in yourself.
  8. Change your outlook on failures. It’s inevitable that you will fail from time to time and if you are low on self confidence then this can just make you feel even less confident. The trick is to stop focusing on the failure and instead ask yourself what you have learned from the failure and use it to make better decisions the next time. Keep reminding yourself that a failure is actually a learning opportunity.
  9.  Take ownership of your problems. If you really want to know how to build self confidence then take note of this tip. I am always amazed at the lengths that people go to, to avoid taking responsibility for their circumstances. If you have problems to deal with then start looking for solutions to them today. Don’t wait for other people to sort them for you – do it yourself! Being brave and decisive in your actions will boost your confidence enormously.
  10. Trust yourself. Your life experiences to date will have given you the instincts you need to make decisions about what to do. Trust your instincts and when you need to make a choice – go for whatever your gut is telling you. Occasionally you might be wrong but more often you will be glad you trusted yourself and it breeds self confidence for future decisions.

So there you have it – 10 of my favourite tips on how to build self confidence.

If you found this helpful you might benefit even more from my book 10 Minute Power-Confidence. You can read more about it here:

A Lesson in Self-Confidence from Winston Churchill

self-confidence

My wife and I went to the cinema recently to see the film “Darkest Hour”. The film tells the story of Winston Churchill during the early days of his time as Prime Minister of Britain during the Second World War.

It’s a fantastic film and I really recommend you go to see it if you haven’t already done so.

One of the things that stood out for me was the incredible courage and self-confidence shown by Churchill at this point during the war, when Britain’s fate in the war looked very uncertain. The German armies were marching across Western Europe defeating all before them and an invasion of Britain seemed inevitable after the imminent loss of the vast majority of the British army in Northern France.

Churchill had formed his war Cabinet of senior politicians and advisors to help direct the British war effort but from the very start it seemed that rather than supporting him, they opposed Churchill’s plans to evacuate the British army from France and begin the fightback against Germany.
Even the two most senior members of his own party, Chamberlain and Halifax, opposed his plans to fight and tried to persuade him to negotiate a peace treaty. Churchill was adamant that a peace treaty would be futile and the only course of action was to fight.

Where on earth did he find the self-confidence to stand up against such overwhelming pressure and lead Britain to eventual victory in the war?

No doubt there are many factors that contribute to self-confidence but one of the most important ones is having the help and support of people around you. In Churchill’s case the rock that he was able to lean on when he needed that support was his wife Clementine. It was Clementine who encouraged him to take on the role of Prime Minister and she was there to support and encourage him when the pressure to back down and negotiate a peace treaty would have been almost irresistible.

In Churchill’s own words “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” He knew how important it was to surround himself with supportive people!
None of us are ever likely to face a situation as perilous as Churchill but we all face challenges in our daily lives.

How do you feel when problems crop up? Do you feel confident in your own ability to deal with them or do you always have that nagging voice in your head which says “I can’t do this”.
Don’t worry if you do – we all experience this feeling known as self-doubt from time to time. So what can we do to relieve these feelings of self-doubt and build confidence in ourselves?
One of the first things you need to do is follow the example of Churchill in his Darkest Hour. You see one of the major causes of self-doubt is people who either fail to support you or who actually fuel your negative feelings.

Don’t listen to people who bring you down. They are like a poison for your mind and a drain on your energy.

Be careful of your friends. If you have friends who are frequently negative about things then start to politely distance yourself from them. Don’t allow their negativity to rub off on you.
Churchill’s closest allies in his war cabinet should have been his political colleagues, Chamberlain and Halifax, but they were constantly negative about his plans and tried to talk him out of what he believed in.

Churchill’s response was to distance himself from them and instead listen to supportive people such as the King and his wife. People who believed in him and encouraged him.
Be aware of friends who think they are doing you a favour by talking you out of doing things. This will subconsciously reinforce any thoughts you have that say you can’t do things.

Surround yourself with people who support and encourage you or reassure you when times get tough. Friends and family can be good sources of support but I know of people who find a supportive stranger such as a therapist or coach to be effective too.

Identify those people who support you, and nurture your relationships with them. They will be important for giving you strength and confidence when feeling down.
There are many ways to help improve your self-confidence but the first thing you should do is follow the example of Churchill by surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people and distancing yourself from those who are negative.

This will help you develop the confidence you need when faced with your own darkest hours.